Long Live The King!

Hey all, I arrived in Thailand two days ago. I got into the city late and by the time i got to my hostel it was 11 and since i started my day a 4 am being driven by tricycle to the bus stop by a guy with no shirt or shoes that everyone calls Tarzan, i was wiped. Slept late, for me these days, but when i did get my butt in gear i jumped a water taxi in search of the fabled backpacker ghetto Khao San Road. My map was not the best one and i am not the best map reader and the Thais don't make it easy, i wound up in front of the first of many temples i would see in my first two days. Giving up on my search and deciding a temple would be a nice start too, i entered. Always weary of anyone that is overly friendly, "backpacker rule number 1", i was stand offish when a man asked if i wanted to go inside. I asked with a grin how much and even with his broken English i could understand the word free clearly. "Today free, all Bangkok temple", why i asked, "King Birthday". Well luck shines on me again. Whipping out a map he proceeded to give me the best route to see as many temples as one man can see in a day and alerted me to the fact that the Thai government, with its deep love for there King, had given the tuktuk (three wheeled taxis) drivers a mandate to ferry any foreigner around the city Wat tripping for the whole day, for 20 Bhat, about 65 cents USD. Well, look at that. So i jumped in, forgetting "life rule number 1", nothing is free in this world, nothing, except love, and in Bangkok that costs too. So off we went, i was told i could take my time, and he would be waiting when i got out. So i experienced my first temple where an enormous standing Golden Buddha is erected (take a look, http://www.lawstude.net/2008/03/temple-of-standing-buddha.html ) it was an amazing sight, i learned how to pray, and for a small donation i was able to write on a roofing tile. I can't tell you what i wrote because then it won't come true, well, that's not true, i made that up. But suffice it to say if any of you start a run of good luck you can thank me later or you can thank me by sending me money, that works too, whatever you feel comfortable with, i mean, you know i AM all alone out here, starving, living in squalor... just sayin, i mean you do love me right?:)  But if for some off chance things don't go your way, that ones on you. After my first temple i was alerted to the fact that we would need to make a pit stop. Alright, sure where too i asked? "Rob a white guy alley, beat up a foreigner corner?" "Just the state sanctioned travel agency so i can get a gas stamp", refer to life rule number 1. O.K., so there i was looking stupid in a travel agency, that i didn't need to be at, not needing any info, looking at a rather unhappy agent and after about 5 minutes i said, "i might be back.". I wouldn't be, but back into the tuktuk i went off to my next temple. The Golden Mount (check it out http://www.sacred-destinations.com/thailand/bangkok-wat-saket-golden-mount.htm)It was amazing, they all are really, each in its own way. After climbing the 300 stairs and banging on my fare share of gongs and ringing my fare share of bells, i was back in my tuktuk, "i am sorry sir we have to go to the official Thai Fabric Exporter". Before i could ask anything he hit the gas, well shit, aight i guess, i mean i can help this guy out right? i mean all i am paying is what, 65 cents. So there i was sitting in front of a tailor, looking dirty, and certainly not someone who looked like he wore a lot of suits, i spent 15 minutes going over fabric styles, suit dimensions, colors until i leaned over and said "look buddy, i am not sure that i really need a suit you know, i am backpacking for a year and well, there is no way i am fitting this suit in my bag for 10-11 more months you know?" Well damn if he didn't have an answer for that one. "today in honor of the king we will send it home for free!" dang it all King! I took about 5 more minutes before i said i would think about it and come back later. i wouldn't be coming back. On to the next temple Mr Kong, or Kang or Kung! i never did hear it just right. Getting out i heard a large growl in my stomach and realized that i had forgotten to eat. Surely my driver would not want me to experience all these temples on an empty stomach i thought. i walked the street outside in search of food. Food is never far and i noticed a lot of white people eating at a few outside spots, (backpacker rule 22, where white people go is most likely not as cheap or authentic) so i turned and right there i saw a feverish line of Thais and some where yelling, who knows what. So i decided to stand in line, everyone was eating what looked like noodles on a plate and a bowl of soup. As i got to the both, i was handed a portion of noodles. I looked back and there was another white guy behind me, i asked "do you know whats going on here?" he didn't, but noticed that there wasn't any money exchanging hands. Maybe its free i thought, he thought that could be the case as we shuffled ahead to where the soup was being ladled out. (i remembered life rule number one and scanned for a tailor or travel agent. i didn't see any) i got my soup and tried to ask how much and just got a bunch of bows. Maybe the King had something to do with this truly free meal. So i sat on the side walk and finished the noodles, delightful. Then i was able to truly inspect the soup, I went digging and found an egg that looked as if it was from the 50's (they eat those here) some more congealed blood and what i could only guess was some animals dietary track. I was going to have to pay for this meal, my price was eating it, damn rule number 1! i tried a little of everything repeating Lauren's mantra over and over in my head "do it for the stories, do it for the stories, oh that intestine is chewy, keep going, do it for the stories" i couldn't finish it, well i could have but i wasn't about to get sick all over the street. That was one story i could do without. Full and happy i was on to the next temple. It was not as majestic as the first two but no one was there so i got a hands on look and walk through with a very helpful lay Buddhist. As i exited, i noticed no Mr Keng, "Mr America sir" My driver had gained about 75 pounds and grew a beard. "Driver had to go, i take you the rest of the way, for same same price". No that's not a typo, "Same Same" instantly became my new favorite saying, and i hear it a lot. All right, didn't matter to me really, one driver as good as another and one tuk tuk being as good as any other, same same, i got it. "Sir we go to Chinese Jewelry store, you look interesting, no buy look, look only, 10 minute only" ahhh crap. So, there i was, "oh THIS is jade, no i think i like that red one, oh that's 1,000 dollars huh? that's it? oh dang it doesn't fit, how about this one? how much is that?" wondering if my act was working, the facial expression never changing, i guessed not. "oh you have postcards! i will take three" Frowns. snatching them out of my hands and into a bag. Phew, that over with, alright lets Wat. "We go to tailor first", my driver said, "that's it i'm done, no more, you have sucked the life out of me", "what u mean Mr America?", "nothing, i am going to huff it from here" but looking around i had no idea where here was, "alright! one more and then that's it" it was getting late and i didn't want to be late for the Kings Birthday party. So there i was again, another tailor... blah blah blah after sweating it out over prices i would never settle on for 10 minutes i was out the door. Thank the gods. I didn't have much energy after that, that last tailor was quite persistent on getting a down payment. i proceeded on to the festivities. It was like nothing i have ever seen. There are some seven or eight million Thais in Bangkok and every last one of them was there. It was the biggest birthday bash on the planet i have no doubt. It also was a claustrophobic's nightmare. I watched not understanding one word, not one, for about 3 hours some singing, candle lighting, fireworks, flag waving and Chinese lantern floating it was over. trying to get out of the heat that was made by so many bodies in one place i wandered in the direction i thought my hostel was in, a river of lanterns floating over me climbing ever higher. I had to stop and ask directions and was told the nearest skyrail home was too far to walk to. I decided i better try and walk less i get in another TukTuk and have to stop for cloths and jewelry five times on the way home. so an hour plus later i was on the skyrail, two trains and 4 blocks later i was "home". Tired, feet sore, i collapsed on my bunk hoping my other seven roommates wouldn't make too much noise...it had been a good day in Bangkok.