Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Hell Bus, Hanoi, Snake Village and Halong bay

Foxtrot this is Baker One, do you read!? The forward LP is reporting  heavy chatter across the border. Contact with Charlie imminent. Request backup on the double. Foxtrot, Foxtrot, do you read? This is Baker One over.

i have always wanted to say that. The first half of the ride to Vietnam was hell on wheels. Ludwig and i took seats in back, the way, way, way back, as those were the seats that seemed to be reserved for white people, well actually, seemed, isn't the right word, they were. We arrived before the boarder opened at 4 am. Sleep had not been possible for more than a few minutes at a time the first 9 hours. When our bus exploded with life at seven am with Lao people yelling, we scrambled out onto the street. there was a heavy fog and visibility was to a minimum. We really had know idea what to do, the only instructions were, "passport!!!" and a lot of pointing into the mist. This was a scary moment for me, the only time i had been more frightened on this entire trip was when i was almost savagely attacked by a pack of six dogs led by one with only one eye in Thailand, true story. That time i had jumped to safety on a railing. I looked around for a railing to jump to now but there was none darn it. Ludwig and I and the five other white people slowly crept through the fog and rain towards what we hoped would be a smooth and hospitable border crossing. We were to be very disappointed. There were about 200 people, all Asian, moving about the doors to immigration. We figured it out, and in 45 minutes we had a stamp on our passport. we had just exited Laos, into that odd space between boarders where you were in the preverbial no mans land. No longer allowed to be in Laos, but not allowed to be in Vietnam yet either. We were hoarded into a corner of the building by a man that i was not sure if i should be listening to and found comfort in the fact that there were eight other confused foreigners there. There was also a door. I asked if anyone knew what we were doing? "nope, we were pushed here," came the reply. I decided to take the lead and exit the building, i peaked out. Ludwig behind me, both of us looked up the hill, to the mist and presumably, we hoped, Vietnam. "well lets do this", Ludwig nodded in confirmation. We made our way leaving the others behind as they seem to prefer to wait on more instructions i was sure where never to come. It was a long walk, with only about 20 feet of visibility ahead. we joked about Communism, whispering as we were sure that they were waiting and watching, judging and determining our potential threat level. We decided to stop talking about it, which was probably a good thing as we turned down the hill the fog lifted and we saw a bunker (ok it was really a hut) and   Soldiers dressed in olive drab and red uniforms yelling and whistling all the while waving their batons. "That side"!!! someone yelled, we had know idea there were sides or what one we were supposed to be on and cursed our bus driver as we hurried to the correct spot, the right side of the road. The boarder was alive with the movement of guards and officials, buses, cars, metal detectors and xray machines, the only thing missing from the scene we decided was a mass of attack dogs that hadn't been fed in a week and had only eat the blood of foreigners and were begging for more. After an hour or so in the rain we were finally back on our bus. I couldn't believe that i was actually happy to get back on the Hell Bus, but i was. We arrived in Hanoi a mere five hours late, in the dark about 10 clicks from the city. Instantly the taxi Mafia moved in, but we had no money and were in need of an ATM, the two clicks walk to the closest ATM was a fog, i don't even remember walking it, i was so tired and the bus and its staff had drained me of almost all my life. But all was well after a short 30 minute cab ride into the old quarter, we found a five dollar dorm room, perfect. Resting my bag on my bed i had a hard time believing that the ordeal was over, the 26 hour bur ride that satan had created himself was indeed over. We were starving, the only stop of that day was at a road side Vietnamese rest stop and we had used the little money i had left to buy two dry rolls. but i can tell you a roll has never tasted so good. We left, found food and Beer Hoi, the cheapest beer in the world. 25 cents a glass and we settled down on the sidewalk and unwound for a good two hours. Sleep came easy that night. The next day, we got up at a good hour. Had Breakfast, for free at our hostle, a baguette with one scrambled egg inside. Ludwig, being 19, has a never ending stomach and seems to always bring a conversation back to food, or stop mid sentance to proclaim that he needed something to eat, or simply tell me how much he wanted, insert favorite food of the moment, or simply say "can you smell that? Food, coming from the south west, rice, maybe some beef, no, nope, its pork" He is older than he looks and far more mature then his age and i look less old then i am and far less mature than my age so we have made a good team thus far. We made it to a ancient pagoda, met an American girl and the three of us went to the Museum of the Revolution. A eye opening array of Veitnam's battles for independence. The French had tried to tame the dragon but they had inadvertently caused the rise of Ho Chi Minh to power in the face of their colonial oppression and ended with "the American" war as it is known here, where our boys were sent to a land that we had no places being in. i wish all war would end. Make love not war. Thats it. And even though i was angry when i saw a US uniform on display, a uniform from a POW that was shot down in the north. I realized when i got to the guitine that the french had put to horiffic use that this country hadn't been truly free for almost a hundred years and wondered what we would do if that were the case at home and how hard we would fight to end occupation of our land by a foreign power. My heart goes out to everyone that has ever lost a friend or familiy member in the Vietnam war. Nothing can change what happened but i hope we will learn, i fear the worst. We as humans have not learn peace and i fear we never will.

Well, that night we sat in our hostel, knowing that we wanted to do something but unsure what, Ludwig and i looked up and in little bold print on a peice of paper there was a offer for the "ultimate snake experiance". As we read on we quickly realized if we wanted to make it affordable we needed at least 5 people. I sent him to check on the American girl we had spent the day with as i went on a recruiting mission within our Hostle, i entered our six bed room and two people were unpacking, i introduced myself and i bearly got the word snake out of my mouth before we had two more people signed on. The five of us, two Americans, one German, one Englishman and one French girl along with our guide were packed into taxi on the way out of Hanoi. Traffic here is best described at a nightmare. White knuckled and gripping the dash board we made the 7km drive as smoothly as possible which i have come to learn means using the horn as much as the strearing wheel and paying no attention to the fact that you were in the wrong lane driving head on into traffic. the weird thing is it works, it just does. No stop signs, no stop lights just a horn and no rules. it still amazes me. Never the less we arrived unharmed and entered a restaurant in snake village. a place that at one time specialized in capturing snakes from the jungle and cooking them so that ladies can grow bigger breasts and guys would be more, well, i think you might get the point. We entered and our guide went to talk with the manager, we watched as two snakes were taken from there cages and unceremoniously beheaded. We have the expression in the states "like a chicken with its head cut off" but i think more fitting might be "like a snake without a body" or "like a snake with his head cut off", it was hard to watch but that's what we were paying for and it would be a disservice to turn away. the blood and gall were drained and the hearts removed for later use and we all looked at each other with a somewhat worrisome look. we sat down and thus began our eight course snake meal. The blood vodka shots came first, "yoooooo!!!!" (the Vietnamese version of cheers) was shouted and down the hatch. one more round "yoooooo!!!!" the two hearts where delivered to us, nice and fresh, sushi hearts, sort of. We had talked about who would eat them, there were three of us willing and we made a round of rock paper scissors to determine who would in fact have the honor. Ludwig won first and Daffny and i decided to split the second. She had a hard time biting it in two but was able and so, i was handed the half and after a pause for a picture, down the hatch. It was gross, i am not going to lie about that. The gall infused vodka was next and it almost didn't stay down, but i managed. the dishes started to roll in and we feasted and drank, laughed and truly enjoyed the meal. we had snake and lemon grass, snake soup, snake skin fried, snake bone, crushed with special sesame paper, boiled snake and friend snake bone and two different types of snake spring rolls. We left with a lot of good pics and as soon as i am smart enough to bring my jump drive to the internet cafe i will make sure to share them. it was at that time the single most expensive thing i had eaten but still much less than your average meal out in the states and i think it was completely worth it. We went back to the hostel and got a few jugs of Beer Hoi and drank, played cards and laughed with our guide who was ignoring the continual calls from his wife to come home. He was having as much fun as we were. It was the first time and only time i will probably have snake but i recogmend it to anyone, i did it for the stories.

The next day Ludwig and I decided to go to Halong Bay, look it up, its one of the most magical places i have ever been and probably you might be able to claim in the world. We took the 4 hour bus there, jumped off and on to an old style Chinese junk that took us into the south china sea. We went caving, kayaking and took about a million pictures some of which i do have posted below. We spent the night on the boat a float in the eerie calm surrounded by the most amazing limestone formations and when after dinner i went above deck there was the most mesmerizing full moon illuminating the small cove in which we floated. i watched for a while alone till i couldn't resist getting the 4 Germans and the one American that i had been playing Tarantula Tango with (a German game where cards are used as frequently as animal noises. if anyone is looking for a new game to play with friends and family, i suggest it, its pretty darn fun. I was told that i had the best cow, i really am quite proud of it actually.) to join me and bask in the glow and breathlessness beauty or our surrounding. the next day wasn't as great, so i will save all of it said for one amazing moment when a hawk flew down and plucked a fish from the ocean. what a sight and great way to top the trip off.
 inside one of the caves and old Chinese tablet of some sort, it probably just says "slippery when wet"

from the Kayak, when i go back some day i think i will make a full day of just kayaking around the 300 islands that make up the bay. Legend has it that they were created by a dragon, it fell to earth and crashed in Halong bay

everywhere you looked there was a good picture to take

nuff said
When Ludwig and i failed to show up in our kayak after the allotted time (we meant to be late) our captain was looking for "the two beards". Z German and I
my ever present sunset pic. i will return someday. more pics of the snake meal and random weirdness from all over Vietnam. I went from Hanoi to Halong bay back to Hanoi the to Hue and have just spent the last three days in Hoi An, we leave for HCMC tonight, 22 hours on a bus...


1 comment:

  1. Wow, it sounds like an episode of Bizzare Foods, how simultaneously exciting and disgusting :)

    ReplyDelete